Friday, March 14, 2014

So there I was washing the condiment shelf.....

.... I said CONDIMENT shelf!

And truth be told I was feeling far too good about myself for this Martha Stewart-esque moment in the life and times of my kitchen.  Really a 50 something anyone should not be feeling so superior for simply cleaning off a `few´particals of dust.  But there you are and there I was.

Well as I was working away, there did n´t I have some insights of absolutely non-world shattering importance, again.  Which, of course, I will share with you today.

It occurred to me as I was coughing and spluttering through the ´few`spice infused dust particles, that there are many ´wisdoms´or ´truisms´that I happen to think are not true at all.  I am not sure who was the first person to say these things, but they are out in the public domain now, and I happen not to agree with them.

For example:

1) Be in the Moment


Now that is all very fine if the moment you are in is one where you are  lying on a beach in sunny climes, or cycling through some bucolic area around Lake Konstanz - which is just about everywhere in the area.  Or, tucked up on bed with a nice cup of Barry's Tea and Smarties.  Or perhaps you may be fortunate enough to be  looking with pride and joy at your wonderful children who sit there for hours amusing themselves painting, reading, or trying out experiments from `Science for Kids´or some such titled book. Maybe even a few of said kids are out hurling and it looks likely they will be picked for the under 21´s for the county team.

Conversely, you may sitting a top a bunk bed somewhere in Thailand on a trek around the world.  There you sit pondering how wonderful your parents are because they told you they did not mind what you did when you grew up, as long as you were happy. And they meant it.

But it is a heck of a lot harder to ´be in the moment´say if you don´t have enough money to pay the bills, never mind thinking about  about paying for a holiday in sunny climes, or a trek around the world.  Or again, you are in pain, or someone you love is very sick. I don´t want to make you dear ISS reader depressed, so I won´t go on.  But, you get the idea.

In short: It is very easy to ´be in the moment´ when the moment you happen to be in is a nice one indeed. But who wants to ´be´in any moment that is far from fun.

2a) ...Just be yourself!

When people are nervous over this or that planned social or professional event, kind advisers often suggest.... `just be yourself`.  Being yourself is all well and good with total strangers; there is even an argument to be made for being one´s self at an interview.  You may well not get the job because of you being your loud, opinionated/boring, quite/ boorish/flirtatious or whatever self.  But at least if you are yourself at the interview, they can´t complain they got a surprise the first day you started the job.  

But this being yourself business is very suspect in my mind. I for one totally reject it in the realm of family life for example.  That is if one wants to stay connected with said family.  

Here is a classic case, and a true case.  Two brothers, one a diehard Republican, the other a Democrat. Now if both were to ´be themselves´ at family events, the family would be totally torn apart.  

And we are not just talking about differing values; there is the issue of differing temperaments - the talky sibling in a family otherwise tending towards less conversational inclinations.

And take the situation of the tidy spouse who fell in love with an ´artistically inclined tidy-upper ´partner.  Now if both parties in this union insisted on being themselves thus rendering the home not feeling at all like home for one or other party, this union would be doomed to fail.  Unless of course both parties strive very hard not to be themselves; the former trying to be less orderly and the latter cleaning up a bit more as they go.  Not of course that I would know anything about this on a personal level. Of course.

2b) You are good enough.  Different but connected to 2a.

This is one that my friend Oprah often says (Oh O.K., Oprah is not my friend, it would be dead cool if she was; most of the time I happen to agree with most of what she says, but not on this occasion.   Sorry Oprah, if you happen to be reading this.)

So back to the statement `You are good enough`.  Nelson Mandela was good enough.  Mother Theresa was good enough, the charming neighbour who helps every one is indeed good enough.  But in my mind, no, most of us are not good enough.  - And I wager those closest to the aforementioned might opine that the aforementioned truly amazing and good enough members of the human race, had moments indeed when they too were a tad less than `good enough´.

To continue on the same theme; I know life might be better in some quarters if this blog writer spent more time washing the condiment and other shelves more often, rather than writing this blog.  And forget the ordinary folks such as moi and my less that ´good enough´self; people with an inclination to do bad things to others, like to their own kids - or to their own parents,  are certainly not good enough.  Again to avoid depressing you dear reader, I don´t offer specifics on what is not good enough or who is not good enough, you get the idea.  And if you do consider it, I am sure you too  will  agree that there are a LOT of people out there who are indeed not ´good enough`.


3) Don´t sweat the small stuff .... and its all small stuff!  

I am sorry, but in my mind it is not all small stuff at all, and yes, I DO stress it: I have stressed about money, I have stressed when I  have had to confront someone say in a work situation, I have stressed about making the right life choices, or if the lasagna that I have spend hours preparing will actually taste something like lasagna - even though Jamie Oliver said it was a ´simple´lasagne.  http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/simple-baked-lasagna.
So yes, I do stress and no it is not all small stuff.  -  O.K. maybe the lasagna question is a bit on the ´small stuff´ side.

4) The first million is the hardest to make.

I absolutely totally disagree!  The first $10,000 is the hardest to make!

Now for those who are blessed to have been born into millions, or even only one million, skip over this one; the rest of you can read on.

In my mind if one starts at $0:00,or worst with - $0.00, one might with scrimping and saving and plain hard work eventually  make $5,000.  And then with great good fortune and a lot of patience, perhaps even $10,000 etc.  But for the most part, and for many people life happens; one loses a job, gets sick, or a family member gets sick etc. Then bang, your hard saved savings are gone.
So, its not making the first million that is the hardest, in my opinion, the real challenge is being able to save enough dollars to get over the next life crises that comes one´s way, and still have some funds remaining.

In my mind it is for some that if they can reach the first $10,000 and hold onto it, it is realistic to consider in the course of their lives that they can, with an understanding of how money works, making the right life choices,  discipline and most important plain good luck, make their first million.

And then the second million should be a relative breeze to make - or lose!

5) Nothing to Fear but Fear itself.

Another one of Oprah´s truisms that I  disagree with, sorry Oprah.  I think there are a lot of things that sane minded people fear.  Even the insane.  For example not having enough $$$ to put food on the table or a roof over your head.  Or, somehow being put out of commission as a parent before the kids have grown up.  Or pain.  For me its death I can take or leave, (rather later than earlier,) but pain I really fear.  This is only a personal opinion; far more noble and responsible people might consider other things that one should be fearful of.  Which or whether, there is indeed a lot more things to fear other than fear itself.

6) March to your own drum/take the path less used.

This one makes me laugh!
Two versions of the same idea. i.e. do it your own way. Take the path less used for example.  Why for goodness sake would one take the path less used in life; the less used path has been tried and has been proven not to be the easier path.  I do not mean to follow slavishly what others do, or the paths they take. But PLEASE people consider why the less used path is so. That is what I say.
If the less used path really is going to get you where you want to go... and indeed it might; at least taking a detour on a section of the less used path of life  might indeed be viable for some, than I say `Go for it! It worked for Bill Gates, Oprah, the U2 band members, Irish boxer and Olympian gold medalist Katie Taylor and a few others.    But for the rest of us humans I say don´t look down one´s nose at the well trodden path in life.


Any regrets?  Not a truism, but bare with me.

Do you ever sit in front of a T.V. and watch someone talking who has had a terrible life or a horrendous experience or whatever, all of which they have survived.  And the interviewer asks them if they have any regrets, and they answer ´Oh no, the experiences I have had in my life made me the person who I am today.` Does it not occur to any of these people that they might have been absolutely wonderful people even without those horrendous experiences.
I tell you, I have a whole long list of experiences that I regret having had all lined up to read out if I am ever going to be asked on T.V. if I have any regrets.

The Apple does not fall far from the Tree

Meaning of course that children grow up to be just like their parents.
This is the oddity in this list in so far as it can be so true that it is amazing, and sometimes so un-true that the mind boggles.  If it was true: then all the great Olympians, Noble prize winners, artists, iconic world figures good and bad etc would all be related to the people in that field that came before them.  Similarly and on a more personal level; as I write I am thinking of two of the most gentle, fun, charming men I know who are the sons of men who beat then so badly, that the fathers should have gone to prison. That the sons are such nice members of the human race is amazing and it is a credit to themselves utterly.  In those two cases the apples indeed fell very far from the tree.

There are two exceptions re. the apples landing in the proimity of the tree, i.e. child follows parent: hurlers and camogie players in Kilkenny, where the same family names keep popping up again and again: Larkin, Walsh and Dowling come to mind.

And of course politicians can come by the family load, but let´s not beat around the bush here, that is more often down to nepotism rather than competency.

So on the weekend that´s in it as I bask in the glow of my dust free condiment shelves, may I wish you a wonderful, fun and happy St. Patrick´s Day this coming Monday.