Yes, as I said in part III, I am going on a bit... but its my blog. And my
story! So my choice....
Leaving America
So,
funds for retirement were looking good, but now at 53 any chance of
finding a job with passion and meaning before I retired was getting slimmer and
slimmer!
The initial consideration was to return to Ireland, then wham - the Celtic Tiger Economic bubble burst very abruptly in 2008! Ireland was hit very badly; no chance of work for
returning emigrants. It had to
be Germany. And a new language to learn. Tough tough tough. Won´t
bore you with the über sob sob details. I was focused on that for
three years – (Still am, to tell the truth!). Then job hunting.
Two
job offers - On the Same Day! On the 12th of September
2012.
Both
part time which suited my life fine. But both jobs brought me back to
school again! One as a teacher of English conversation classes in the
local Volkshochschule. (Adult Education Schools.)
An
odd situation: While the job was fine, I was talking after all and I
like talking!! I did not particularly relish being back in a
school; back in school was never a place I wanted to be. Oddly I
was good at the work. Really odd in my mind to not enjoy something
one is good at. To explain: The students who struggled reminded me
of me. That made me sad for them. Conversely, I noted at some very
primitive level in my head, that I resented the students who
flourished. Complex but there you are!
The
second job I got was also because of my English, and yet again in a
school! I was offered a position caring for children ages 7 – 12.
Two hundred plus of them. This time I was part of a team of ten who
cared for the children outside of class time.
The
concept was good. While basic German was required of course, my
focus was to chat to the children in English, not that they would
understand, but their brains would at least ´hear´sounds, words and
phrases, in English that would help them in English class later on.
Neither
position filled me with passion, but both fine. Particularly the
former. And both certainly doable. And I did meet some lovely
lovely people in both work situations. Which was vital for me, as I
had not found it easy to make friends in Germany.
And
importantly, when I was working, I was building up credits for my
retirement fund.
Over
the course of those years, I applied for several positions in youth
care. Alas my German was not good enough. I could accept that.
And
that is how it was for me until September 30th 2020 last.
The day I stopped working in Germany. I succeeded in my goal
formulated some 30 odd years previously: To retire healthy, and with
a good pension plan. And that I did. I am grateful. And I will be
grateful every day.
---------------------------------------------
Addendum.
Nancy
going back a bit to my wish to have a job and a life with meaning, a no brainer question you will surely ask!
Why did you
not do work with young people as a foster parent or in your spare time?
To answer:
When
I was 19 and working in the children´s home, I saw first hand the
pain for children of not being in a secure home; I decided I would
never have children until I was in a position to care for them
adequately and for me that meant being with a partner. Many can raise
children alone; I knew I did not have the resilience for that.
So
around 1990 when in my early 30´s in New York I had no partner, I
decided I would investigate fostering children. - One thing I did
learn in the children´s home is making babies in one thing, being an
adequate parent is another thing entirely. I applied; ´they´ were
excited when they saw me coming, I ticked off all the boxes it seems
as a potential foster parent.
Then
they asked if my parents were alive, and if so where they lived. I
said oh yes, both hail and hearty, both still living in Ireland.
Both interviewees faces dropped, they looked awkwardly at each
other. I could not understand. Embarrassed, they explained: Over
the years they have had many problems with single foreign women like
me fostering children. When these women parents needed caring, the
expectation was that because they were the single female children,
they should give up their lives in the US. and go home and care for
their parents.
I
said nonsense, I had five siblings, we had already agreed our parents
needed care, we would we would manage it between us. And beside two
of my siblings lived in Ireland.
One interviewer replied: You
don´t know it now, but it will be expected of you, the pressure will
be there.
So
I said what is the solution?
They
looked sheepishly at me and said nothing........
...... Still
said nothing.
Finaly I
said: Are you telling me to go away and come back with my parents
are dead?
That
was exactly what they were saying!
When
telling others about this incident, I discovered the interviewers
were in fact speaking the truth. More than once a single woman told
me so. And after that, I discovered, if there are no single female
children the plan b) expectation from parents and families could be
that homosexual or lesbian offspring in relationships would give up
their lives and come home to care for parents.
In one case a man told
me the same parents who threw him out ´for being gay´ several years
earlier were expecting him to give up his home his life and his
partner in New York to come home and care for them, because he was
not married he was ´only messing about´ as he said they
told him.
And
then why not persue fostering in Germany? After we settled back in and Romeo H. was open to
consider fostering; the problem was not my language, but we needed an
apartment with a second bedroom. The authorities warned. `Don´t
just get any apartment just so you can then foster a child, you need
to find a home you can be happy living in with or without a child in
your lives´. We could certainly see the sense of that.
We
looked. For over eight years. None in our price range. - Remember
children or no children I still had the priority of saving as much as
I could for retirement.
And
guess what: Now we cannot foster – because we do no fit the age
requirements!
Oh
another route I checked out was to work as in the ` Big Brother/Big
Sister´ organization in N.Y.C. There I applied to volunteer with almost as soon as
I was legal in N.Y.C. But when I was at the interview, they explained
they did not need ´big sisters´, only ´big brothers´. They had
all the female volunteers they needed, but because of equal rights
laws, they could not advertise for big brothers only.
Moral?
There
is no moral that I can see; I started out life with
´normal´expectations: find a job that I would love that would be meaningful for me, get married
have children and live reasonably happy ever after. I put a LOT of
effort into those ´normal´goals, more than many I would say. It
did not happen for me. I don´t know why.
Considering how my life panned out, I believe I made the right decision FOR ME, to give up trying at age 36 to find a job with meaning and from then to change my life goal to planning for retiring healthy and with funds. - Not in my mind
a ´TV. show inspiring´ goal. - And a goal that takes 65 years plus
years of one´s life to reach. IF one should be so lucky to reach
the goal and that age at all.
But
it was practical. I have seen it happen in life for others who made a
different choice. Indeed three people I know personally who choose
passion over retirement planning are struggling. All three concede
the work came but the money did not. All three in their early 60´s
do not see an option to retire as they ´cannot afford it´.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Nancy,
I was going to stop writing this letter to you about 15 pages back!
Too depressing. And for what reason does it need to be written?
But
then I thought in a weird way it is an homage to you:
I
have such respect that you give so much of your life, time and self
to the great work you do. Your passion I know; for it is clear to
see how much meaning it gives you to support women on their journey
to finding meaning and purpose in their lives.
But
I wrote to you in May that I would write my story. - As a sort of
acknowledgment of the huge efforts you put in for us on the Nancy
Zoom round tables. And so I did. So here you are!
(To find out who this wonderful Nancy is and why I am bothering to write her all this stuff, go back to the begining paragraphs of sob sob blog posting I on November 11th last.)
That
said, this document is a bit one dimensional; the aim is after all to
write about my efforts to find work that had meaning for me. There
were and are many other meaningful things going on in my life.
Sure, I struggled to find purpose in my work and it did not happen.
But I had and have a good fun life; I experience love, joy and
acceptance from my husband and from more wonderful friends than a
person has a right to, and indeed some wonderful cousins too.
Importantly I
remain healthy, so if I live prudently, not face too many ´rainy day events´ – and am lucky enough
to remain healthy, I have secure funding for my life.
And
I have adventures! And when there are no adventures to be had… I
make them for myself! Always with a cup of tea in my hand!
Hausfrau
Rósín.
A life searching for purpose - not found. Part IV and the final posting.
(THANK God says you!)
December 12th 2020 Day 69 of living the dream.
Guido and Ann walked the route 
Back to the starting point some time later... and how much later is my own business! Virtual Wellie Event done and dusted.... Almost... 
