Laughter in the time of Corona...

So as well as all that hand washing and singing of Happy Birthday, we all need to smile a bit these days too. - Better again to laugh....

This should shake up the endorphins and spice up the immune system!  See below.

A nun in her 90´s send this to her niece who is a friend of mine...

 

Enjoy - and tell me if you don´t laugh out loud!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So, the date of the conception (of the baby) was August 8^th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death>

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard?

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with a male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine specimen?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.

ATTORNEY: And Mr.Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: NO.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you started the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient still be alive, never the less?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he is alive and practicing law.

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