My story for Nancy: Searching for a life with purpose – that never got found. Part I

You may well ask who is this Nancy and why I am I bothering to tell her of my non-found story… All 14 pages of it – and then some!

Well the Nancy in question is one Nancy Trites Botkin, to whom I was introduced by my friend Susan X. ( This same Susan X´s name has appeared in this blog on occasion.)

Nancy who is based in Canada, is founder of Think8Women http://think8women.com/

Nancy did find her purpose in life which as she writes on her website is :

…..to help every woman find her Purpose and live it out loud.

And let me asure you, the aformentioned Ms. Trites Botkin excells at this. Out loud!

Indeed I might think of her as an Oprah-esque member of humanity north of the border. - And regular blog readers… all three of you, know I have GREAT time for Oprah.

So at the beginning of this year when Covid spread around the world, Ms. Trites Botkin very generously gave of her time and effort to organize Zoom Roundtables for women the world over. Yes, the world over. Pro bono. Yes, pro bono.

My story did not exactly follow Nancy´s script on finding purpose. But as a respect for Nancy and gratitude to her for my being part of these wonderful roundtables in the time of Covid, I decided to give her time and effort back by writing my story of (not) finding purpose, - out loud or otherwise.

- My story for Nancy:  Sob sob Blog Posting Part I

My time is NOW.  It is wonderful and I cherish every moment.

I don´t mean ´my time is NOW´ in the philosophical sense or as thought of in a Buddhistic sense.  But literally. After a life of never being able to work in a job with purpose, not for the want of trying on my part, I am now set to retire. Yippee!

But now I need to go back a bit.

In our small Zoom group round-table in April this year, with Rolanda and Babette, two fellow participants in [after this sentence, I stopped writing this document last May. You will read why later]. Babette asked what did I choose to do career wise when my first dream of becoming an Occupational Therapist was foiled. That question hit me with a jolt. And hard. It was a jolt because just four months before I was to go into ´per-retirement´it was right there in my face… that ….well… ´the career´never happened. I never worked using my talents in a job or career with purpose AND where I could earn enough money to live.

*(- If you want to read the trying details of living a life struggling to find work/career with purpose, see below under Sob Sob Blog Posting Part II. BUT it is not obligatory reading. Really, far too miserable!)

So what DID I do?

Well back in the Autumn of 1991, I sat myself down with a cup of tea in my apartment in New York. I had a hard talk with myself that I recall almost verbatim to this day:

`Roe, (says I)  you are 36; after 18 years plus your efforts to find work that is fulfilling for you and that pays the bills, has simply not worked.  

And now here you sit; you have no assets, no prospects, no partner, no children, you have no specific qualifications, no apparent life direction. You have to give up trying to find a job that is meaningful for you. That dream is over. 

From now on your goal in life is to just get work to pay the bills and then work to save every penny so that you won´t be old and poor.`

- Being younger, healthy and low on funds was not particular fun, but I could deal with it; being old and poor was something I dreaded.

And so from that day on I lived my life in such a way that every action was focused on preparing for my retirement 30 years hence.

First off, I took care of my health: I saw already that the biggest expense for seniors was the cost of being sick. So I needed to stay well! I avoided stress; if I was sick I stayed at home. I avoided people and life situations that took a toll on my physical and mental well being. I exercised, I ate well. I attended health check ups timely.

I did things I enjoyed. I nurtured friendships and spent time with my friends. I focused on the good in my life, I cherished it and I celebrated it, for I knew:

a) Focusing on the good in life, made daily life nicer for me.

b): It was good for my health for the future.

Every purchase or giving out of money for anything was made only after asking the question: Is this more important to spend now, or should the money be put towards the retirement fund?

And so that is how I lived for 30 years – until five days ago. The last day of work in Germany.

So had I been a client of yours Nancy, I would alas, not have been a success story! I still think it should be a focus as one starts out adult life to forge out a life with meaning, to find a career or work that gives one joy and passion. And of course can pay the bills.

But: At some point, in my opinion, if that tack is not working, one must change direction and re-focus time and energy to go on surviving for now and saving for retirement.

And then there are the millions for whom this decision is never theirs to make in life; they live in poverty, or fear, debt payment, or they are obliged to take care of a dependent family member etc.

That said I reiterate: Seeking out a job or career with purpose that one does with passion and joy is, in my opinion, a vital part of the human condition. That is an important task in life. But sometimes for some people it simply does not come together. 

And that Nancy, is the reason that I did not to finish this letter to you until now and not in May. - Just in case a job with purpose presented itself four months before I retired. It did not. 

Ending on a happy note, I have reached my goal made 30 years ago. I got to retirement age, I am healthy, my pension arrangements are set – as long as I stay healthy at any rate.

And I will enjoy. Indeed I AM enjoying …..every single moment since the 30^th of September last.

My plan now is to live healthy and happily until I am 95 plus or so, and then die peacefully in my sleep.  Now God may have other plans – but hey that´s not my business!

                           -------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear reader, that is enough of this story for now - even for me.  So I will write the next installments, plural I am afraid, in future blog postings...

Just for fun, I am adding the video and photo again of me leaving work for the last time in Germany.  The voice in the video is my dear friend from work Uli as she takes the video of me riding into the sunset of life on my Mofa called Harley Davidson.

 

  

 

 

 

..... HORRAY. 

 

Hausfrau Rósín. 

A life searching for purpose - not found.   Part I. 

 (THANK God says you!)

November 14^th 2020                         Day 45 of living the dream